02.03.2005
1:05 p.m.
Random Letters
Dear Subway,
Every time that stupid commercial comes on with Jared pointing out how fattening a Big Mac is compared to a Subway sub, it seriously makes me want a Big Mac while the thought of a Subway sub makes me somewhat nauseated. It's having completely the opposite effect of the one you're aiming for, I think.
Might I suggest a commercial in which you see Jared taking a bite of a generic fast food burger, followed by his head exploding like an overinflated balloon? That would solve two of my problems: I would no longer get nauseated and Jared would FINALLY go away. He's getting really annoying.
Sincerely,
A concerned TV viewer
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Dear Winter,
Go fuck yourself.
Hugs and kisses,
Tired of snow
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Dear Concerta,
I'm really glad that you're helping me with my auditory memory as well as other memory stuff, but PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY will you start working again for my focus and concentration? I don't know how many more drugs there are for me to try.
Sincerely,
Getting Desperate
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Dear cellulite,
Go away. No one likes you.
Love,
Lazy Ass
Listening to: a co-worker yammering on
Reading: The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. It's so good! I want to go home and read it!
Feeling: like I might have gotten burnt in the tanner. My wool pants have become uncomfortable.
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