08.27.2004 9:22 a.m.
Hygiene and Morons

So, I was on my treadmill last night, watching TV, walking merrily along, when all of a sudden this commercial comes on.

It's for Kotex Lightdays Pantyliners. "Now in lavender, aloe and chamomile scents!"

I had to slow the speed on the treadmill down so I could laugh hysterically without the risk of falling off the damn thing and breaking something.

While watching their commercial, I thought of what would be an EVEN BETTER commercial for it.

*Man passes woman while both walking in the park. Man inhales deeply.*

Man: You smell great! What is that?

Woman: Why, thank you! It's my scented pantyliner! My girlie parts smell so pretty now!

Um, I don't get it. WHY would you need a scented pantyliner?

It's called SOAP, people. Try it sometime! Then you won't need scented products!

Jeez. And to think, in days of yore people only bathed like twice a year. Ick!

************************************************************

I think today is "Psycho People on the Road and In the Drive-Thru" day. I must have missed the memo.

I stopped at McDonald's this morning on the way to work to get a McGriddle (because my pants were already trying to kill me boa constrictor-style, so why not help them a bit?). The guy in front of me ordered, pulled up, and STOPPED three feet or so away from the car in front of him. I pulled my car right up on his ass, and I still wasn't quite at the speaker.

He wouldn't move up. I couldn't order.

I swear I saw him sitting in his car, grinning and laughing at the fact that I couldn't get up to the speaker. I almost yelled, "Move up, fucktard!" but I didn't. (You never know when someone will be carrying a crowbar in their car...just to beat up people who yell at them.)

What is it with people? Was he foreign, and didn't understand how drive-thrus work? Was he just being evil to piss me (and the seven other cars behind me) off? I don't get it. Whatever his motives, he successfully help up the drive thru for a good five minutes. It was fun.

I would have left, but I (of course) had no room to maneuver, as I had nearly wedged myself into his trunk.

Grrr...

Then, I finally order, pay, get my food, and am heading to work, when some moron pulls out in front of me from a street off to the left, and pulls DIRECTLY INTO MY LANE. In front of me. Was there anyone else in the other lane?

Why no.

No, there was not.

I love starting the day out pissed off. It makes the rest of the day so fun!

Happy Friday. May your day be oodles better than mine.

Food I'm craving: A d'Anjou pear
Song in my head this morning: "All I Wanna Do Is To Thank You" - Geggy Tah


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