04.27.2004
11:31 a.m.
Things have got to change
I was cranky last night, thinking about how tired I am of the house looking the way it does, and tired of my body looking the way it does. I need inspiration and change, and time where I don't feel completely exhausted so I can actually do the things I need to do.
My fingers and my soul are intent on creating SOMETHING, a painting, a poem, a short story, a new color for the walls, something. I feel as though I just need to buy a canvas and some paints, and see what emerges.
I spend at least a few minutes every day longing for a time when I don't have to work. I could work around the house, work out at the gym, go to classes...LEARN...GROW...expand my mind...spend my time doing things that I enjoy and that actually accomplish something worthwhile, rather than only doing things that offer me no sense of satisfaction, but only a paycheck, and a large vat of stress.
I have this "what if" life all planned out already... Get up early in the mornings (but not too early), go work out at the gym. Go home, shower and get ready, and work around the house a bit, cleaning or reorganizing or redecorating. Go to class for a few hours each day, put my full self into absorbing the new information and processing it in order to earn the highest grade possible. Achieving my goals. Traveling when I can to the places on my "Always Wanted to Go To" list. Spending quality time with my husband.
*sigh*
It will be a long time from now, but that doesn't stop me from longing for it with every fiber of my being.
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