03.16.2005
4:27 p.m.
Others are dumb but I am helpful
Guh.
Some of our clients are DUMB.
Now, the older ones... I give them a bit of leeway. They could be going batty or something.
But the younger ones...
Jeez.
Two phone calls. Right in a row.
1st one: "Client is no longer getting systematic withdrawals from XX company. She remembers signing some forms a while ago. Does that have something to do with it?"
Yes, lady. You moved your money from that company to another fund company. You AREN'T getting money from XX company anymore, but you ARE getting money from the new one.
Like I said to Officemate... "Uhhhh...where is my money again?"
If you can't remember where your money is, maybe I should hold onto it for you.
Okay? Alright. Buh-bye then.
2nd one: "Client wants to make sure he sent in the paperwork to get the money transferred. Also wants to know how much transferred and what his current balances are."
Um, dude? You know those silly forms you have sitting around your house? The one with the big yellow and red SIGN HERE flags on them?
Yeah, those.
Unfortunately, we can't psychically pick them up from your house. Sign them and send them back to us so we can move your money. Then we can take care of the rest of the stuff.
Criminy! I may not have very much money invested, but I sure as hell know where it is.
I wonder how often these people say...leave the house without wearing pants?
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I am SO helpful.
Really.
I am.
Like for example?
On Monday my sister was looking at wedding vows online. She was sending them to me:
A) to make me cry, as she knows I'm hormonal and emotionally delicate right now, and
B) to see if I liked them or not.
After a few different e-mail volleys, she sent me this one:
"More cute vows (Now I'm gonna get teary!):
[Bride], the words I say to you now are ones I have waited my whole life to say. I say these words in love and in confidence. You are my other half. Destiny has brought me to you and from this day forward we will venture forth in this life together. Take this ring as a sign of my faith and my commitment to our love, and share this joy with me today.
Yesterday I was one half; today I am whole. Yesterday I was unsure; today I am certain. Yesterday I was lost; today you are found. Tomorrow is ours together. Take this ring as you have taken my very soul and wear it as we follow this road wherever it may lead us...together, side by side."
After some deep contemplation, I sent her the following reply:
"That's pretty cute. The only part I don't really like is this: Yesterday I was one half; today I am whole.
The concept of walking around most of your life as being only half a person until the right person comes along and you are made whole is sad, to me. I like the idea that I was a superfantabulous wonderful (whole) person before I met [Mr. Science Girl], and meeting him has made me even better than I already was. So, instead of 50% -----> 100% it's more like 100% -----> 120%.
Eek. And then there's the part about you stealing his soul (just noticed it). Isn't that what the devil does? Are you the devil? Did you suck his soul out through his eyeballs? 'Cause that would be cool if you did."
Don't you wish I were helping to plan YOUR wedding?
Listening to: Liz Phair - whitechocolatespaceegg
Reading: The Renegade Writer (It's making me very motivated to actually DO something)
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