01.07.2005
4:30 p.m.
My husband must love me
I'm so lucky my husband puts up with me and my (occasionally quite crazy) mind.
I woke up this morning, upset from my dream. I had a feeling of tightness in my throat and chest like I had been dream-crying, but I don't think I actually cried. My husband told me to get up, so I did and made my way into the bathroom.
The whole time I was getting ready for work, bits and pieces of my dream were floating through my head. Sharp knives and blood and people wanting to hurt me and my husband leaving me and my being really upset because of that as well as the fact that I was walking around with no shoes or socks and can anyone find me some socks or SOMETHING because MY FEET ARE BARE, DAMMIT!!
Before I left for work, we were saying good-bye and figuring out which car I was taking, and I told him I had a dream that he left me.
He said, "I'm not leaving you. What made you dream that?"
I didn't tell him until we went to lunch that part of my dream involved my sister taking a large knife, similar to the one I was carrying, walking into a room towards a man sitting at a table and simply chopping his hand off like it was nothing.
I don't know what made me dream that, either.
This is the same man who doesn't get mad or frustrated with me when I have dreams about him cheating on me or leaving me and I wake up mad at him or sad or questioning him over and over and over because the dreams seem so real.
This is a man who was reluctant to tell me that I beat him up in my sleep, when I woke up one morning with bruises all up and down the sides of my arms, like where you'd hold them up to protect yourself from blows.
I asked him after I got home from work that night if he'd beaten me up in my sleep, and he said no but was sort of quiet about it. Finally that night when we were going to sleep, I asked if I had been acting out in my sleep again and he simply said, "It's okay. You were dreaming. I know you didn't mean it."
This is the man who was able to tell after about six months of dating me what I did before I started acting out my dreams, and who was able to wake me up most of the time before I actually started thrashing around. Other men I've been with for even longer periods of time never figured out what came before the movement... They just had to restrain me after it had already started.
The same man who tells me "Shh...it's okay, honey. It's just a dream. It's okay, sweetie..." when I'm dream-crying or whimpering or moaning until I either wake up or settle down again. I hear it sometimes when I have a bad dream, even when he's not lying next to me.
I haven't taken a poll of all the men in the world, but I'm pretty sure if you asked them there would be very few willing to spend the rest of their lives with a woman who hits and kicks them in their sleep, gets mad at them for cheating when she dreams about that, and cries at them for leaving her when she dreams that (sometimes for reasons as silly as 'the other woman was thinner and had a nicer house').
I'm so glad I found one of the few brave, exceptionally understanding men out there.
Or maybe he's just a masochist.
Either way, I'm just happy he's mine.
Happy Friday.
Sweet Dreams.
Listening to: my space heater
Reading: The Nanny Diaries
Feeling: content
|
 |
|
||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||
�