04.09.2003 8:54 a.m.
Fairy tales

I hear fairy tales of couples who come home to each other after work at night. Couples who eat dinner together regularly, even nightly. Couples who go to sleep next to each other every night and wake up with each other every morning. Couples where the husband takes out the trash, shovels the driveway, and kills the spiders. Couples where the wife comes home from work and prepares a delicious meal in her immaculate kitchen, which they then eat at the dinner table. They talk, face-to-face, about their day. They make love if they feel the desire to.

I come home to a quiet house, two hungry cats, and the prospect of a night filled with exercise, t.v., time on the internet, maybe some studying, conversations with the cats, and talking to my husband for a few minutes once or twice on the phone before I go to bed. When it comes time to go to bed, I arrange pillows and tuck blankets around me so the bed doesn't feel so big and empty, and curl up into a ball in an attempt to warm up my ice-cold body, because my bed is devoid of the loving warmth emitted by my husband when he is there. I sleep lightly, with one ear tuned into the noises of the house, so I can be ready immediately if someone tries to break in.

I finally admitted to myself yesterday morning that I turn the t.v. on in the morning less so the kitties can watch it during the day, and more so that the house isn't so damn quiet and lonely-sounding when I come home at night. I've left it off the past two mornings.

In May, my husband and I might actually get to pretend that we're a normal couple. I have 10 days off of school in between winter and summer semesters. He might be able to work remotely that week, instead of actually going to St. Louis. We could finally spend ONE WEEK with each other, pretending to be one of those fairy tale couples. One of those couples who sees each other every night. Who spends more than 3 nights a week with each other.

We could eat dinner together. Cuddle on the couch together watching t.v. Work a bit in the yard or on the family room. We could go to bed at night, the way I love to, with the front of his body magically fitting perfectly against the back of my body, despite our 9 inch height difference. I could fall alseep every night with his breath warm on my back, his body radiating heat into mine, warming me, and his whisper of "I love you" being the last thing I hear before I drift off to sleep.

Please, everyone keep your fingers crossed that Mike is assigned to Merc that week in May. That my husband can work from home. And that we can pretend, for one week out of 7 months, that we are one of those fairy tale couples. I'll keep wishing with all my heart...

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